Hey Hey! I am sorry about being MIA for a while. I guess it hasn't been that long, but my absence was longer than planned.
I just haven't been motivated. I have been groggy, bored, uninspired. I have been depressed about not knowing how to sew. I have been longing for things that I know I just can't have right now. I basically sort of chose to start dreaming and then get mad at myself for not being able to make each little dream come true. Let me tell you, I am one Crazy Dreamer!
In one dream, I imagined that I went to NYC back when I was 18 after being offered a modelling career. I left the modelling gig to start my own fashion line and lived the life the fast, rich, and well-dressed. I was actually offered a career, but when they asked me to lose 20 pounds even though I'd only gained about 7, I knew I couldn't spend my life being poked and prodded and having my self worth summed up by some fat meanie whose career description is: Make skinny, young women feel terrible about themselves in the name of fashion.
My real obsession lies in fashion photography! I love-love all the photos...and hey, the clothes aren't too bad either!!!
All of that would be awesome, but I wouldn't have The Hubs or my Little Darling. And I think it goes without saying that a life without my family isn't worth living!
The other dream that I keep dreaming has to do with sewing. I keep dreaming that I make myself these wonderful clothes inspired by Alexander McQueen and Burberry Prorsum and by artists like Lady Gaga, Boy George, and B.E.P. Only something more "wearable" than their stage get-ups!
You can't tell me that if someone gave you a pair of these for your birthday that you wouldn't just DIE! I know I would!!!
The other dream that I keep dreaming is that I become a well-known published author and I get offers to turn my books into films. But I am a demanding and stingy woman, so I demand to be on-set for all productions, as I refuse to have my books distorted into ridiculous Hollywood hubbalub full of great-looking actors who are a) quite obviously starving and b) have no real talent!
Anyway, being stuck in my dream world has had me forgetting about the Real World. My World consists of planning a home school fall semester for my four year old. My World consists of planning healthy, predominantly vegetarian menus for my family. My World consists of more cleaning and tossing on some yoga pants and flip flops for play time than actually getting dressed and "going out". My World consists of working with youth that, if they had it their way on most days, would skin me alive and stuff me with an apple before roasting me on an open fire. My World consists of working on crochet projects using familiar stitches and familiar patterns because I haven't grown the balls or patience to try something out of the box. My World is really, really small.
But then, yesterday, something awesome happened. I was reminded of something important:
And with that said/realized, I made an effort last night to put 3 of the last 5 rows on my Mega Granny Blanket -- you just have to see it!!!! .... Tomorrow! Hahahahaha! I'm mean, I know. And I was also motivated to post this sneak peak that I planned to post about 6 days ago:
I usually don't bother with doing anything that has rows because I get discouraged and bored. Something tells me I need to grow the hell up! Afterall, I finished a MEGA GRANNY SQUARE, didn't I? So I am putting my Big Girl Panties on and I am going to work out this baby blanket. I am sooooooo far from being done, but I rather enjoy the process. I am using 100% cotton yarn that I have LOADS of, but never use. I am also using 3 different stitches-- single, half-double, double and popcorn stitches.
**As for the designing... I am just going to go back to my high school ways: sketching out my personal ideas and making mood boards. Get ready for some posts from my fashion sketch book!
**As for modelling... I am still almost 6 feet tall, but I am also now 28 and I weigh 184 pounds, and unless I can lose 8 years and 70 pounds by tomorrow morning, I think I will have to let that one go! **As for my sewing... I am taking classes starting the end of this month (WOO-HOO! No more fear and no more excuses!)
**As for writing.... I hate to write. I'll be honest. But I have plans for a graphic novel, so stay tuned for sketches of my character line-up, since I am going back to my fine arts roots these days. Did you know that about me? I am actually more of a studio artist, rather than a crafter? I paint and draw...which explains my frustrations with crafty things such as sewing and crochet.
**And finally... As for Crochet... I have a shit-wad of patterns and ideas and sketches and you-name-its that I am about to embark upon. I am so tired of being unmotivated because I am too afraid to Get Motivated. I'll never truly know what I am capable of if I keep making excuses and keep letting my fear of failure rule my decisions.
I just haven't been motivated. I have been groggy, bored, uninspired. I have been depressed about not knowing how to sew. I have been longing for things that I know I just can't have right now. I basically sort of chose to start dreaming and then get mad at myself for not being able to make each little dream come true. Let me tell you, I am one Crazy Dreamer!
In one dream, I imagined that I went to NYC back when I was 18 after being offered a modelling career. I left the modelling gig to start my own fashion line and lived the life the fast, rich, and well-dressed. I was actually offered a career, but when they asked me to lose 20 pounds even though I'd only gained about 7, I knew I couldn't spend my life being poked and prodded and having my self worth summed up by some fat meanie whose career description is: Make skinny, young women feel terrible about themselves in the name of fashion.
My real obsession lies in fashion photography! I love-love all the photos...and hey, the clothes aren't too bad either!!!
 |
| Like this ad from Jean Paul Gaultier |
The other dream that I keep dreaming has to do with sewing. I keep dreaming that I make myself these wonderful clothes inspired by Alexander McQueen and Burberry Prorsum and by artists like Lady Gaga, Boy George, and B.E.P. Only something more "wearable" than their stage get-ups!
 |
| Alexander McQueen Spring 2011 |
 |
| Burberry Prorsum Resort 2011 |
Anyway, being stuck in my dream world has had me forgetting about the Real World. My World consists of planning a home school fall semester for my four year old. My World consists of planning healthy, predominantly vegetarian menus for my family. My World consists of more cleaning and tossing on some yoga pants and flip flops for play time than actually getting dressed and "going out". My World consists of working with youth that, if they had it their way on most days, would skin me alive and stuff me with an apple before roasting me on an open fire. My World consists of working on crochet projects using familiar stitches and familiar patterns because I haven't grown the balls or patience to try something out of the box. My World is really, really small.
But then, yesterday, something awesome happened. I was reminded of something important:
 |
| The Hubs and our Little Darling in a creek looking for frogs and crawdads at Bernheim forest |
My World is actually pretty awesome and full of meaning. I just needed that special family time out hiking at a local forest to remember it. It's the small things that really matter to me. And the dreams of living it big and rich and famous...well, I think I enjoy them so much because they are just dreams. I am happy to wake up to My World every day, with The Hubs wrapped around me and my Little Darling jumping in the bed to say, "Good Morning, Mommy and Daddy. I wub you boff".
And with that said/realized, I made an effort last night to put 3 of the last 5 rows on my Mega Granny Blanket -- you just have to see it!!!! .... Tomorrow! Hahahahaha! I'm mean, I know. And I was also motivated to post this sneak peak that I planned to post about 6 days ago:
I usually don't bother with doing anything that has rows because I get discouraged and bored. Something tells me I need to grow the hell up! Afterall, I finished a MEGA GRANNY SQUARE, didn't I? So I am putting my Big Girl Panties on and I am going to work out this baby blanket. I am sooooooo far from being done, but I rather enjoy the process. I am using 100% cotton yarn that I have LOADS of, but never use. I am also using 3 different stitches-- single, half-double, double and popcorn stitches.
**As for modelling... I am still almost 6 feet tall, but I am also now 28 and I weigh 184 pounds, and unless I can lose 8 years and 70 pounds by tomorrow morning, I think I will have to let that one go! **As for my sewing... I am taking classes starting the end of this month (WOO-HOO! No more fear and no more excuses!)
**As for writing.... I hate to write. I'll be honest. But I have plans for a graphic novel, so stay tuned for sketches of my character line-up, since I am going back to my fine arts roots these days. Did you know that about me? I am actually more of a studio artist, rather than a crafter? I paint and draw...which explains my frustrations with crafty things such as sewing and crochet.
**And finally... As for Crochet... I have a shit-wad of patterns and ideas and sketches and you-name-its that I am about to embark upon. I am so tired of being unmotivated because I am too afraid to Get Motivated. I'll never truly know what I am capable of if I keep making excuses and keep letting my fear of failure rule my decisions.
Life in Fear is No Life at All.
My dear, first of all let me tell you we've all been there--maybe not a fashion designer or photographer or model, but something we would think is special, different from our "plain" lives. The truth is... we ARE SPECIAL, each in her own way!
ReplyDeleteI'm too short and overweight to be a model but loved to design clothes when I was a little girl (dressed up all my dolls in gorgeous exclusive models ;) in crochet, knit, hand sewn...) and maybe that could have been a dream... or art, I love painting and archaeology and everything "artsy"...but no. I turned out to be just a good student who really didn't excel at anything in particular and that's an advantage because I've always been able to find work in the most varied areas, from teaching to lab assistant and lately computer tech. Well... now on sick leave still ;)
You have a wonderful family (you probably wouldn't if you were a model), you have a good job and that's specially a worthy job, and you are healthy, thank God.
Just... do what makes you happy! And dare try out your dreams if they make you happy, we'll be here to cheer you on :)
xxxxx
Ohhh and speaking of the shoes... well, they sure are to die for, I swear I'd die if I had to wear them because I know I'd break my neck lol :)))