Saturday, March 7, 2015

Tummy Whenever:: 34 Weeks

Well, I have learned a little.  A very little.  I learned that the reason I chose to keep a backdated pregnancy journal was to make sure I always had time to catch up.  Clearly, even with the built in cushion, I still manage to skip weeks.  Ha!  Routines have never been my thing, yet somehow, they totally are.  Today, I am just taking some time to blog ahead for a change.  I need to start preparing for my possible hiatus/hibernation period following delivering my Little Someone. 

I see all these awesome Mamas out there, squeezing out their 9-10 pounders and hopping right back to life like nothing happened.  I am so not likely to be that mom!  It literally took Months to come back from delivering my Little Darling.  I kept pushing myself and I put on a good face, but I was in pain for a long time.  I seriously hope that's not the case this time around, but if it is, I will totally have more realistic goals for myself in terms of what I can or can't accomplish while recovering.

While I was taking an inventory of what was realistic in terms of expectations, I came to the realization that this whole pregnancy has NOT been what I expected!  I mean, like, from beginning to end, things just were not in my control and not in alignment with what I planned to have happen.  Here I am, just a little while from delivery and reflecting on all the mishaps.

EXPECTATION:  I will work out in my first trimester, so that I can control weight gain.

REALITY:  I gained 10lbs in my first trimester.  I was completely shocked because in my first pregnancy, I made it to the halfway point and only gained 2 pounds.  But this time, I was ravenous!  I could only think about eating and when I wasn't stuffing my face, I was planning out what I would be eating as soon as the opportunity struck.  I didn't go anywhere without snacks or without stopping for food.  What was worse is how constipated and bloated I was.  Truth be told, I knew of some women who were also very hungry and didn't eat.  I laughed at them.  I found it to be ridiculous.  If you are hungry, Feed That Baby!  I didn't have many options either.  I would only feel nauseated if I didn't eat.  It wasn't until I ended the trimester 10 pounds heavier that reality set in......  I was getting carried away.

EXPECTATION:  I will have crappy skin, but it's ok because I have a plan for that.

REALITY:  My face has never been clearer!  And thank God too!  We bought a book and The Hubs read about chemicals in skin care being harmful to the fetus.  Do you know that this man took my face wash and creams and serums?!  He wanted me to throw them away, but after complaining about the cost in replacing them, he decided that he would accept my promise not to use them.  Goodness Gracious!  I was waiting for it. I have the worst acne.  I knew I was about to have pizza, moon crater something happening. It didn't happen.  What DID happen was an allergic reaction on both my arms.  I got eczema, hives, and dermatitis on both arms.  And I can't do anything about it.  I thought about just licking my arms..... There's healing power in spit, right?  I'm totally kidding.  That's gross.  As soon as I get this baby out of me, I am demanding the finest cocktail of antihistamines and steroids.  My arms are inflamed, irritated, and scarred from nine months of rashes. 


EXPECTATION:  Now that I know what to expect, I will be able to prepare sooner and easier.

REALITY:  Uhm... it's been EIGHT years.  Like Jon Snow from Game of Thrones, I know nothing!  Products have changed so much.  Hospital procedures have changed.  Information regarding prenatal care and delivery has changed.  I am literally having to learn everything from complete scratch!  And my lovely dear Hubs made the fatal mistake of wanting to wait until after a baby shower to go out and buy necessities.  I am and always have been Team Miss Independent.  I like to take things into my own hands.  I have been blessed with some wonderful and unexpected gifts, but I do not expect to be showered with gifts.  I know money is tight and people are busy.

My younger sister did insist on hosting a baby shower, but I knew from the beginning that she was offering more out of duty than desire.  A week before it, she had made no contacts to guests, wasn't answering my calls or texts, and had made no time to get things together before the baby shower.  I confronted her about the lack of time she had to be a hostess and she nonchalantly agreed and that was the end of my supposed baby shower.  I won't lie.  It sucked to tell all my friends that it had been canceled, but I was only upset for a blink of an eye because my nestinginstincts took over immediately.  The Hubs and I went to get the things  would need for the first month or so.  The funny thing is we didn't know what to get!  I had to find lists online while we shopped.  So three hours and 200 dollars later, we got the basics and I could rest easy........ until I realized that we didn't get everything we needed!  Hahahahaha!  I am usually the Queen of list-making and being over prepared.  Mom brain is SUCH a struggle!

EXPECTATION:  I am excited to breastfeed.

REALITY: I am fucking terrified!!!  I have this whole ignorance/vanity/fear thing that's killing me.  In terms of the unknown, I am worried about what will happen.  Will a kid be stuck to my boob all day?  Will I even produce enough to satisfy her?  Will I wreak of boob-milk all the time?  What happens when your kids get TEETH?  I don't know if I can handle that pain!  And what does it feel like to be milked?  Vanity......  I don't have the most awesomest set of tits, but dammit they're all I can afford to work with at the moment!  I don't want veiny, ugly boobs.  I don't want chewed up, unresponsive nipples.  I don't want deflated, National Geographic saggy boobs.  Fear.... I just keep dreaming of nursing until my child is 10 years old... that my child grows fangs and wants to EAT my entire breast after nursing... Silly things.  But ya never knoooow!


EXPECTATION:  I know what to expect and how to deliver a baby.

REALITY:  Anything can happen and I am terrified!  Especially because things happen more quickly with subsequent pregnancies. I have had nightmares of giving birth at birthday parties.  I dreamt that every single annoying person in my life shows up right as my vagina explodes and they video tape the whole thing and post it to social media.  I dreamt that I gave birth to a toddler.  That The Hubs gets into a fist fight with the anesthesiologist and then he refused to give me an epidural.  That The Hubs wasn't there for me because I was a bitch right before and he walked out.  That I ate some bad tacos and my baby was born in a pool of diarrhea.  That I had hemorrhoids so bad I couldn't manage without being hoisted up into a body sling.  That my baby was hideous...and not the "so ugly, it's cute" kind of hideous, rather, the "Send that demon back to the 7th layer of Hell"-hideous.

EXPECTATION:  I will work out and maintain a clean eating plan for my last 6-10 weeks.

REALITY:  I eat whatever doesn't give me heartburn, which right now is AIR.  I am exhausted as all get-out right now, so the idea of being active is a joke that is answered almost immediately with a nap.  For about 2 weeks, I just sat on my couch, stuffing my face because I hadn't gained weight in months.  I was measuring small and it was painful whenever my Little Someone moved.  You don't bounce back from a shit-tastic diet like that and dive into eating broiled chicken breasts with steamed oats, or whatever.  I was also put on semi-bed rest due to contractions.  As soon as I came out of that, it snowed and iced over all the paths near my home.  And to make it even more of a challenge, my feet morphed into chicken nuggets and I can only comfortably fit a pair of men's house shoes!  So yea...  No P90X for me and no clean eating.  I am waddling about in house shoes, trying not to break my neck on ice as I wait out my time until my Little Someone is here.

EXPECTATION:  I will be a much cuter Peggo than last time!

REALITY:......hold on a moment.  I haven't caught my breath from laughing my ass off just yet! Whew!!!  The TRUTH???  The truth is I have skin that looks so parched, so dehydrated that my body looks like it has aged 10 years.  I am sure I can get it back on track, but still.  I am allergic to Everything!  There is nothing I can do to add moisture without taking Benadryl.  My hair?  I guess my scalp is a part of my skin or something because in the beginning all my hair products were causing hair loss....  Right now, I am a bald preggo with turtle skin.  I also smell this time.  My hormones totally betrayed me!  I never smelled with my Little Darling.  I didn't expect any odors due to hormones, as I usually don't smell despite not wearing deodorant.  Oh, you betcha I wear deodorant now!!!  And clothes?  LOL  Yea.  Right. About that.  Unless I am going to visit someone, or doing a shoot for my blog, I look like a hobo.  I wear sweats, pajama pants, leggings, yoga pants.  Anything with some stretch.  I wear extra large t-shirts that The Hubs has been collecting for me since my first Trimester.  The funny thing is he is now beginning to complain about how I never even try to get dressed anymore.  Nothing fits!  This dress I am wearing in these photos was a dress that I bought for my baby shower.  I returned it of course, and I am back to sweats and t-shirts. 

So...  I am not sure that I accomplished my goal at all.  I am not prepared for delivery.  As I blogged about here, I walked out of my maternity/breast feeding class.  I am not prepared for a baby since we only bought about half of what we needed.  I am not mentally prepared for breastfeeding.  I am not doing not one single damn thing regarding fitness and diet, so there will be no "Bounce Back" for this Mama.  I demand a Do-Over!


But I'll get right on that after I eat this box of Nutter Butter cookies!  Hahahahaha!

1 comment:

  1. Not long now, and you wil be fine I promise x

    ReplyDelete