Friday, February 27, 2015

Tummy Whenever :: 33 Weeks

Thank Goodness It is FRIIIIDAY!

I am so ready for this week to end!  I have a lot going on this weekend and I can't wait to get it started tomorrow with a spa date/Girls Day Out.  It's going to be great.

I am so sorry for skipping out on last week. We had horrible weather and as a result, The Hubs and our Little Darling were home most of the week.  The Hubs went to work one day and our Little Darling had school on one day.  No, they weren't both gone on the same day.  Yes, they make me crazy and demand a lot of my time and attention while they are home.  Yes, they make HUGE messes for no reason while they are home.  Yes, The Hubs turns our living room into his workspace for conference calls all day when he works from home.  No, I didn't have any quiet space or time to hear myself think and blog last week. 

Spending time at home with everyone was kind of awesome in a way.  Prior to last week, I was really short and testy with everyone.  I am still a little impatient and irritable due to the hormones and being uncomfortable, but I can tell when I am being reasonable and when I am being "That scary pregnant woman".  Admitting fault is half the battle, right?

The other thing that came out of the three of us spending time together was finding out how little we know about..... well, everything!  Ha.  I mean, some of the conversations that came out of last week were a total, complete, embarrassing mess.  As usual, I don't mind to share.  I am hoping we aren't the only ones who have NO CLUE about these things.

So one day, I decided to just really examine myself in the mirror.  I have completely let myself go by now.  I don't even care anymore.  It's just too much work to maneuver around this giant belly to make myself pretty below the waist.  While in the mirror, I notice my pubic hair seems as though it grows higher than it should.  Of course, I go complain to The Hubs, wondering why he even stands for it.

Hubs:  What's wrong with your pubes?
Me: Aren't they growing up too high?  Is it because everything is stretched out?
Hubs:  What do you mean?  I don't know your life!  How do YOU now know what your own pubic area should look like?
Me:  First, we both know I haven't had pubes in forever.  I had them for about all of 7-10 days before giving birth 8 yrs ago.  I have NO IDEA what it's supposed to look like down there.  It's not even my problem.  Do you think I should call Kelli?
Hubs:  Who's Kelli?
Me: My aesthetician. She's seen my junk more than I have.  She's been all up in it.  Maybe she can help me figure out this mystery.
Hubs:  OMG!  Leave Kelli out of this!

I didn't call, but I keep watching that region...  Just in case.

I come home from an appointment and explain to The Hubs that I am not making much progress.  My cervix is soft, but no dilation just yet.  (Reminder: This blog is backdated.  I am now 36 weeks.)  I also explain that our Little Someone's head is there, but not low enough yet.

Me:  We should totally go have a bunch of sex.  I am not trying to go past my due date and/or be induced again.  Dick juice is a magic potion for getting that ball rolling!
Hubs:  That's what I'm talkin' bout!!!  But there's like no progress at all this time?  Is that normal?
Me:  How should I know what's normal?  The head's there.  You can feel it.
Hubs:  FEEL IT?  With WHAT?
Me:  Your hand, moron.  What are you talking about?
Hubs:  Why?  How?  Who does that?
Me:  How do you think they check for dilation?!  They shove their fingers up there and move back and forth, counting centimeters.
Hubs:  You're not letting the OBGYN fist you at the appointments, are you?
Me:  What the hell?!  You crazy perv!  NO!

 Several weeks ago, I go to a birthday party for my friend's daughter.  While there, we all start to talk about being pregnant and our experiences with childbirth.  My friend tells me that her vagina "got fat" in preparation for childbirth.....  Uhm, Ma'am?  Come again?  Since then, every time I go to the bathroom, I use a hand mirror to look to see if any "Fattening" of my vagina meat has happened.  It's a weird angle, with the belly in the way and all, but I think she looks the same for now.  My lower abdomen and pubic area is chubby though.  I wonder if that's what she meant.  I have no idea what changes occur during labor.  I never will because, honestly, I just want my baby.  Everything in between is totally a blur and so not my problem!

Finally, the last instance of inappropriate cluelessness in our family to occur recently...  I am fixing my hair and my Little Darling is in my bathroom, going through things.  She sees some Preparation H pads and ointment and puts the tube right up by her face to examine it.  All of this happens so quickly, before I can stop her.

Little Darling:  Mommy, what's this?  What's the "O" word?
Me:  The "O" word is "ointment".  It's Booty Cream, sweetie.
LD:  EEEW!  Next time tell me before I put it by my face!  What do you do with Booty Cream?
Me: First, the tube doesn't go near my butt, just the medicine is put on a Q-tip.  Secondly, when you have a baby in your belly, sometimes they lie in a weird position and can put pressure on your butt.  It hurts, and for some people your booty hole starts to get really swollen.  This is to help make sure my booty hole doesn't swell.
Little Darling:  What???  I thought my sister is coming out of your Bah-gina, not your BOOOOOOOOOTY!  [And she runs away waving her arms...]


We are only human and we all clearly have so much to learn!  Hahahahahahaaaa!!!!


Have a Great Weekend!!!

4 comments:

  1. Your posts are always so funny and entertaining 😋

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  2. Your daughter is cute and you look so good x

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  3. You're looking great! Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy. Have a lovely weekend and thanks for making me laugh!

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  4. Your look so beautiful. Some women glow when they are pregnant, and you are one of them.

    Have a lovely weekend.

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