Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Tummy Tuessday:: 31 Weeks

Today, I am completely FINISHED with hiding the fact that I am nesting like nobody's business.

What is "nesting"?  I like to think of it as a pregnant woman's completely psychotic, undeniable, and irresistible urge to get everything in order before she gives birth.  Included in this insanity is everything from deep cleaning, re-organization, mass purchasing of all things the mommy thinks she might need, creating a space for the new baby, and in some cases, relocation all together.

I actually started nesting around 20 weeks, but I hid it from The Hubs.  We were in a bind financially, as a few unexpected (read: $3000) extra things popped up that we'd have to come out of pocket for.  He's such a wonderful person and he loves to spoil me.  I couldn't handle watching him crumble under my psychotic tantrum about wanting to prepare for a baby that was a full TWENTY weeks away, when we had more pressing issues that needed our attention.

Now, we are back on track financially and a whole lot closer to D-Day.  My mind is literally spinning every single day.  I spend an unhealthy amount of time researching nursery décor and ideas.  I am constantly asking other Preggos what they are doing and what they think about designs.  If I am to be honest, I am actually making myself completely bonkers!

First, I can't do anything about these feelings.  I have tried everything to NOT think about preparing for the baby, knowing full well that everything will work out in the end.  I have tried stress eating, sleeping more, exercise.  I have even tried watching scary movies to take my mind off of things, and I can't.  Nothing works!  Secondly, so many things are out of my control: budget for decorations vs. all the baby gear we are still lacking; I suck at interior design; and we actually don't have a "nursery", but we have created what will be a "Baby Nook" in our bedroom.

The Hubs is the opposite of helpful.  Our conversation two weeks ago, regarding preparations went like this:
Me:  Baby, we have, like, NOTHING for this little one.  What can we do to get the ball rolling?
Hubs:  What do we really need?  The baby will get a full wardrobe of clothes from your baby shower, I bet. We can get your parents to buy whatever larger items we might need.  So yea, let's just wait it out and see what happens.
Me: (mental panic, daydream of acting out in aggression, several deep breaths) First, I am not sure what anyone might buy for a baby shower and it's completely unacceptable to think my parents will fund this baby.  They weren't in the bed with us when we made it, so I am thinking we need to take a little more responsibility.  I think of the parents as an emergency fund.  And waiting?  FOR WHAT?  My vagina to explode and then I have to send you out to get all the wrong things three times in a row before you get it right, while I sit on an ice pack, cracked out on medications with one screaming baby and an 8 year old who is used to my undivided attention?
Hubs:  Oh my God.  It's happening, isn't it?  You have Pregnancy Psychosis, don't you?
Me:  What the hell is that?!  Do you mean POSTPARTUM psychosis?  Uhm, no.  You have to BIRTH a baby to end up in that situation. I am nesting... it's a whole different kind of crazy.  We need to prepare!  You know we need a closet for the baby and we need supplies.  And a freaking mattress for the crib?
Hubs:  Why do we need a closet/shelf?
Me:  (sitting up, glaring at him)  Do you have a magical, invisible wardrobe somewhere in hiding that we can put all the baby clothes into?  No?  Didn't think so.
Hubs:  I don't want to say 'calm down', but you need to take some deep breaths or something.  Honey, you are scaring me.  Why don't we run out and get some things tomorrow.  Whatever you want.
Me: (clearly out of my mind and inconsolable)  I have a VISION!  Do you know what that means?!  That means it's not about just 'running out and getting things'.  I have to make sure everything is the right color and looks perfect for my Vision!  And it's not only about acquiring goods, you know.  We have to move this, dismantle that, clean this, switch that, and put this here, and get these items from there.  And when we do get baby items, we will have to wash everything, EVERYTHING.  Are you up for that task?  I can tell you now, I am NOT in the mood, buddy.
Hubs:  Whatever you want.  I love you so much.  Just.....whatever you want.
Me: (feeling foolish) Ok, you're right.  We still have time.  I'm being crazy, but from here on out, we need to start making progress.  I love you too.  Don't divorce me, please.
Hubs:  I can only keep that promise so long as all this nonsense is gone by the time you're no longer pregnant.
Cue: Kissing & making up.
So this week, I am focused on creating a space for the baby.  I am going to make a definite list of decorations to make and those that need to be bought.  I am also going to coerce, I mean CONVINCE, The Hubs that we do want to use cloth diapers for our Little Someone, so we can buy those too.
Hopefully, I will have some great projects to show for all my mental breakdowns!  Ha!
Happy Tuesdays!


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