Friday, March 2, 2012

Back Attack!

It's been a long while, hasn't it?  I know!  I truly do apologize for my absence.  I always seem to back on board with blogging semi-regularly, but then I fall off the boat.  I hate that I never stick to anything, but I have been running extra short of motivation for a very long time.  I am stuck in my head.  I keep thinking of and fantasizing about all the "coulda", "shoulda", "woulda"  moments that I can't get back.  Do you know what that's like?  To spend hours per day, daydreaming of things that you want to change or make happen for yourself, but you feel like you can't?  Well, I am going to start channelling that negative and depressing energy into some art work!  I have been paying off my debts, leaving me short of money to buy art supplies for projects.  But for me not to be productive....well, that's somewhat of a death of my essence.  And we can't have that!

Dance of Dreams, Josephine Wall
I normally don't like "fantasy art", which is what I consider this to be, but I have been thinking of ways to "art" the way that I feel.

I have been in a dream state, and I am finding it harder and harder to wake myself from it.  The truth is, I am happier and more fulfilled in my dream.

Have you ever had a dream that was so great and so real that you spend so much time trying to remember your favorite parts of the dream?  You think about how those parts of your fantasy made you feel happy and you hold on to it thinking that if you focus hard enough, it will become real...

That is where my mind has been for the past 6 months.  Focused on dreams.

Three Graces, Josephine Wall
But I am now committed to coming out of that dream-state.  I want to make more of an effort to create a bridge from my mental happiness that lies deep inside of my dreams to the reality that I experience everyday.

I am such a dreamer!  Sometimes I forget that the things in my mind aren't possible in the real world.  In my mind, I can break dance (don't ask me why!) I can do all sorts of gymnastics.  I am a phenomenal artist and I work with all sorts of multi media.  In my dreams, I am a best-selling author of a graphic novel.  I am a small business owner.  I have my own clothing collection....

Ok, you get it.  I'm pretty fucking amazing in my dreams!  And in one night, I am ALL this and still a loving wife and a caring mother.

Enchantment, Josephine Wall
Now, I am shining a light at the end of my little tunnel. Rather than day-dreaming about the best moments from the dream I had the night before, I am journaling.  I am usually just a words + sketches type of journalist, but I am thinking I might need to use more ways to channel my feelings into my journal.  So I will start trying to art journal...whatever that means! 

I am also going to take time to do the things that I dream about.   If I want to have a small business...then, I better get to creating something to sell!  If I can dance like nobody's business in my dreams, then I better spend more time on my XBOX Dance Central...because that's about as close as I'll get to being spectacular!  *HIGH SCORE!*  If I am all about being an artist and having this graphic novel, then I need to spend time every night sketching and working on my characters so I can get this storyboard together.

In a nutshell, I feel like life is a journey.  Life isn't only about the experiences, but the lessons you allow yourself to learn.  I think that the best parts of life start in a Dream.  It starts with those dreams that are so real and make you feel so good that you know your life will only be content and complete when you have worked your butt off to make those special moments a reality.  So, I have been thinking and dreaming these things for FIVE YEARS.  Now, after thinking and planning, I seriously feel that I should at least give myself a shot.  I am worth the try!  So yes.... I am BACK and I will be blogging semi-regularly about a variety of topics.  The plan is to also give some peeks into my sketchbook...which I NEVER EVER do................. NEVER!  My sketchbooks are usually extremely private, so let's see if I am brave enough and serious enough about my journey to show them to the cyberverse!

FYI:  All of this artwork is done by an interesting artist, Josephine Wall.  She is a great surreal water color painter. Normally, I don't go for fantasy art, but I genuinely think that these paintings really display a visual of my internal mood.

1 comment:

  1. Hi BumbleBri - nice to 'see' you again. I wish you tons of good luck and good wishes to do what you want to do. :)