It is rather early in my shift now at work. I came into some paperwork chaos. Apparently around bedtime there was an incident. A kid was punished for stealing the therapist's cell phone. The punishment: no home visits until next year and on restrictions until the phone comes up. Still no sign of phone.
I have been doing some thinking about what it is I want out of life. I want to CHANGE. I want to be more positive, take more chances, and be more fulfilled on a daily basis, regardless of my circumstances. I am not about to go out and get religion. Screw that! But I do need to begin making more of a spiritual connection. For that reason, I am watching Avatar tonight, rather than my usual ensemble of midless action flicks. I also think I need to step up to the plate and challenge myself more.
I need to start to set small, achievable goals on a regular basis. It feels so good to know that I have what it takes to get something DONE! Unfortunately, I wasn't born with whatever female gene that makes women obsess about things like their weight, body, men, and all that. If I cared more about my body (and more on that some other night!) I would be making more efforts to shape it up. And men?! Ha! I have never been obsessed over men. Either they like me or they aren't into me. Either way, I am sadly more often than not actually not all that into the men before they can decide whether they like me! My self esteem, unlike my fellow females out there, is completely and solely linked to my ability to accomplish goals! I feel stronger, smarter, faster, and better than my counterparts and colleagues based on my sheer ability to go up against the odds and achieve outlandish goals.
Now, I am a different woman. I weigh more. I am older. I am more married and more of a mother than ever, meaning that any time I try to do anything other than be a married mom, I am shit out of luck. So taking that into consideration, I am starting with some very small goals. My other obstacle is I always put off when the goals should be completed. I am always starting a new diet on Monday. I am always going to start a new project when I get back to work rather than starting it at home. I will always mail that package when I get paid. Every goal is always set for tomorrow, a Monday, a Payday ... ANY OTHER DAY besides the one I am living... Well, not tonight.
My goals tonight...the challenge that I accept:
- Finish 2 scarf and hat sets
- Bind 1 book
- Don't eat anything other than the bag of chips I have already opened!
- Plan Boeuf Bourguignon!!!! I've totally been dying to cook it since the 15th time I saw Julie & Julia... I am making that magic happen tomorrow night for din-din!