The truth is... I am very fearful. I am always worried that I won't get to do things the way I want and the world will somehow know what my original intention is. The world will know that I didn't meet my own standards and that I failed.
The truth is... I am always full of excuses. No matter how you see it, if there is a reason why I didn't get around to something, I am well aware of this reason and I don't mind putting it on display. And what they say about excuses is so Real: They're like assholes, everybody's got one.
The truth is... I don't really know what I am doing! I don't know exactly what I want, and I am not sure how to get from point A to point B. All I know is that if I am going to get away from this space I mentally inhabit, it's going to take some guts. But that's all I've got. I guess I need to #GOOGLE some answers!
The truth is... I want to have it all. Everything and then some. I feel like I deserve a life that I never gave myself a chance to live. But that doesn't mean I want to let go of what I have right now either. I want all of it: The good, bad, stinky, smelly, beautiful, colorful, dreadful, wonderful ALL. Whatever life has to offer, as it pertains to me, I want to have it!
The truth is... I hate to make decisions. I don't enjoy committing to anything (at all--Ever.) and so I hate to make decisions about anything in the first place. I feel like making a choice is like allowing a shackle to be placed around one ankle and then I have no choice but to follow through with that choice. If I don't- Well, refer to the first sentence.
The TRUTH is... I am a wonderful person. I deserve good things. I am genuinely convinced that people in general, although I struggle with trust, are inherently good. I feel that we all have a light within us that is sometimes dimmed by circumstances and situations, but I don't think this light can ever truly be burnt out. It is that reason that I so often bask in the sheer delight of altruism. I love to do good things for people without compensation or recognition. Because I am good. I see my light and I want to make you feel your light within you.
The TRUTH is... I take challenges. Not every challenge is interesting enough to maintain my attention, but hey, I am willing to try it on for size! I am not afraid of many things in the world- just world war, sexually transmitted disease, mold, and falling.
The TRUTH is... I am an amazing artist. I never say this out loud because, again, refer to the first segment. But I am! I have great ideas. I work hard to hone my skills. I love to do research. I am great at what I do, but the world is so quick to tear someone down if it seems they are too confident and content. So I hide.
The TRUTH is... I am great at time management. I seem as though I am always late, cluttered and disoriented, but I am really great with planning, organizing and sticking to a routine. The problem came when I got a crash course on sharing my life schedule with a husband and child. Suddenly it became an expanded version with lots of personalities and time conflicts. I learned that I have to give in at times, sacrifice at times. I guess I got carried away with the "self-sacrifice" bit of it all, and I forgot that I have something profound to contribute: A Daily Master Plan!
The TRUTH is... I am all or nothing! I can either be 100% committed and pour my heart into the things that matter most to me, or I will drop it like a bad habit and keep pushing forward. I am a creature of routine, and when I establish one, it takes everything short of electro-shock therapy to steer me from whatever path along which I've wandered.
The TRUTH is... I can fucking do this! I needed to air my fears, thoughts, and feelings just to see them come to life, but I know I can do it! I know I can finally work on the goals that I have set aside for the past 5 years. I know I can juggle everything. I know that I can PRAY every single day for the strength to ward off false sentiments about my weaknesses. I know that I am smart, funny, resourceful and talented enough to make everything work within my life and manage to fall asleep every night feeling good about the choices that I made to finally start living just a small portion of my life for ME.
The truth is... I am always full of excuses. No matter how you see it, if there is a reason why I didn't get around to something, I am well aware of this reason and I don't mind putting it on display. And what they say about excuses is so Real: They're like assholes, everybody's got one.
The truth is... I don't really know what I am doing! I don't know exactly what I want, and I am not sure how to get from point A to point B. All I know is that if I am going to get away from this space I mentally inhabit, it's going to take some guts. But that's all I've got. I guess I need to #GOOGLE some answers!
The truth is... I want to have it all. Everything and then some. I feel like I deserve a life that I never gave myself a chance to live. But that doesn't mean I want to let go of what I have right now either. I want all of it: The good, bad, stinky, smelly, beautiful, colorful, dreadful, wonderful ALL. Whatever life has to offer, as it pertains to me, I want to have it!
The truth is... I hate to make decisions. I don't enjoy committing to anything (at all--Ever.) and so I hate to make decisions about anything in the first place. I feel like making a choice is like allowing a shackle to be placed around one ankle and then I have no choice but to follow through with that choice. If I don't- Well, refer to the first sentence.
The TRUTH is... I am a wonderful person. I deserve good things. I am genuinely convinced that people in general, although I struggle with trust, are inherently good. I feel that we all have a light within us that is sometimes dimmed by circumstances and situations, but I don't think this light can ever truly be burnt out. It is that reason that I so often bask in the sheer delight of altruism. I love to do good things for people without compensation or recognition. Because I am good. I see my light and I want to make you feel your light within you.
The TRUTH is... I take challenges. Not every challenge is interesting enough to maintain my attention, but hey, I am willing to try it on for size! I am not afraid of many things in the world- just world war, sexually transmitted disease, mold, and falling.
The TRUTH is... I am an amazing artist. I never say this out loud because, again, refer to the first segment. But I am! I have great ideas. I work hard to hone my skills. I love to do research. I am great at what I do, but the world is so quick to tear someone down if it seems they are too confident and content. So I hide.
The TRUTH is... I am great at time management. I seem as though I am always late, cluttered and disoriented, but I am really great with planning, organizing and sticking to a routine. The problem came when I got a crash course on sharing my life schedule with a husband and child. Suddenly it became an expanded version with lots of personalities and time conflicts. I learned that I have to give in at times, sacrifice at times. I guess I got carried away with the "self-sacrifice" bit of it all, and I forgot that I have something profound to contribute: A Daily Master Plan!
The TRUTH is... I am all or nothing! I can either be 100% committed and pour my heart into the things that matter most to me, or I will drop it like a bad habit and keep pushing forward. I am a creature of routine, and when I establish one, it takes everything short of electro-shock therapy to steer me from whatever path along which I've wandered.
The TRUTH is... I can fucking do this! I needed to air my fears, thoughts, and feelings just to see them come to life, but I know I can do it! I know I can finally work on the goals that I have set aside for the past 5 years. I know I can juggle everything. I know that I can PRAY every single day for the strength to ward off false sentiments about my weaknesses. I know that I am smart, funny, resourceful and talented enough to make everything work within my life and manage to fall asleep every night feeling good about the choices that I made to finally start living just a small portion of my life for ME.
Stay tuned..... I am back.
I love how well you know yourself and how sure you are of your path. Happy to see you will get some Bri-time. I think that's important for all of us--feeling like we are the daughter, the wife or the mother people see us as, but also the person we know we are on the inside. :-)
ReplyDeleteLOVE it :)
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