Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Happy (Late) New Year!

Well, Well..... What have we here?  Finally, my FIRST post in the new year?!  Let me tell you, I wasn't planning on making such a late post.  Back in....October or something, I came up with this phenomenal plan to start posting at least once per week.  I even thought about doing some posts in advance and having them set to show up later.  Anyway, it was such a great idea, but I feel into my "usual nasty habit" : PROCRASTINATION.

Oh my Goodness!!!!!  It is such a poison to my existence!  hahahaha  .... Oh wait, it's not funny!  From now on, I am taking my issues with waiting until the last minute for EVERYTHING extremely seriously!  I mean it.  No more waiting around.  What happens every time is I come up with a grand idea...but for whatever reason, I just have to wait for something magical to happen...for the stars to align...for me to see a meteor shower...for me to lose 50 pounds...for me to have another baby...for me to travel the entire world... and Theeeeeennnnn I start whatever plan I thought of.  But, as you know, after all that, I usually have no freaking idea what the hell I was so excited about!  Or worse, I am bored with the thought of it because I have been thinking about it like crazy but I haven't DONE anything!

No more of that.  I didn't make a post because I thought about the ideas until I got sick of it.  Then, I had some personal crazy-time nonsense that happened in my little world.  I wasn't able to think of anything creative to do or anything nice to write about.  I thought my whole life was about to go through a very serious (negative!!!) change.  I was so worried that I actually "unplugged" for a while.  No facebook.  No texting.  No blogging or blog reading.  No emails.  No snail mails.  I just cleaned my house like a maniac and tried to figure everything out in my head.  Lucky for me, my universe never collapsed, but now I know that it could very well happen one day.....

I have learned something from all that.  I shut down and shut everyone out.  I just cleaned my house and sat around inside my head.  I made it all about the negativity.  I did the WRONG thing!  Rather than turning to the arts, I shut the arts out of my life.  I never handle stress or disappointment that way.  Who have I become??  After three months of handling all the difficulties and trying to get everything back on track, I am left with no motivation.  I am just totally worn out and feeling totally lost.  I hate that feeling.  Maybe it's true that I feel  lost, but I AM NOT LOST!

Back in college, while studying fine arts, I remember speaking to a professor about my lack of motivation.  I started to struggle with depression for the first time in my life and I didn't want to do anything.  Professor (weird name I can't pronounce) told me that when I can't think of what to do, it is MUCH better to do SOMETHING rather than nothing.  I never understood that until this past weekend.  I have been sitting and thinking and pondering and planning and thinking some more.  Finally, I picked up my hook.........and I started to make random motifs.  I must admit that I don't like any of them.  The colors looked like vomit.  The designs were boring and uninspired (like me!). 

But, I feel like I am finally working again, like I am back to expressing myself.  The funny thing about it all is I realized that I am irritated with crochet, but I have a DEGREE in FINE ARTS!  I can do all sorts of wonderfully artsy things!  And then all of a sudden.... I am back doing research for new ideas, projects, techniques; I am pinning things on pinterest;I am facebooking with my friends, working on letters for my pen pals, whipping out my color pencils, acrylics, and rulers to start working on some paper project ANNNNDDDD(!!!!)  I came up with a crochet project that I really am excited about.

This year, I know what I want for myself.  Almost a MONTH later, I finally have my "New Year" resolutions!
1-- Get the fuck out of debt!  I am ready to shop and try new things without feeling guilty/ financially irresponsible!
2-- Lose 50 pounds. I've had some medical issues so it's time to drop some weight and start feeling good again :)
3-- Travel.  I have not gone on ONE single vacation in 5 YEARS!  That's so not me!  I used to travel all over the place several times a year. 
4-- LIVE FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!  I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, youth counselor, friend........ all of those roles are draining and a lot of times aren't more rewarding than they are draining.  I need to stop being guilty about creating balance.  I am doing things for ME this year that I was afraid to before.  I am not devoting all my time to work and family.  I am taking time for ME this year that I always felt terrible for desiring in the past.

These resolutions seem simple and ambiguous enough for me to accomplish them.

So.... What about you???  How do you get back on track if you lose your artsy mojo?  How do you handle stress or being overwhelmed?  Do you have plans for reinvention for this year or will you continue down the path you began last year???  I'm always curious for a "taste" of others' lives!

........what?  A post with no pictures?  Ohhh noooo!  LOL :)  I didn't have any pics that would make any sense in this post.  I will definitely have pics to present you with in the future posts! Until then-- Happy Be-Lated New Year!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Bri! It's so good to see you back here! I know exactly what you're talking about, head full of plans, but then again just sitting and thinking and doing NOTHING.

    I've already posted my New Years Resolutions on my blog at - well - the beginning of the year :)
    My main goal this year is to be more active. I don't know what's wrong with me: I'm one of those lucky people who actually experience this "Runner's High" (you know, feeling all happy and great and thinking you could rule the world) when they're jogging - but I haven't done that for a long time. Last spring, I went jogging three or four times, it felt great, then I had a really bad cold and had to stay in bed for two weeks. After that I seemed to have lost my energy completely. Didn't go out anymore, no sports, no dancing - nothing! I've gained weight (and I'm not talking about just a few pounds here), started to feel unattractive, started to really hate myself for being lazy and passive and thought everything could be healed with chocolate. It was a horrible year.

    This year I've sworn that I'll be more active, because being passive was the root of all evil. And everything else (too many pounds, self-hatred) will take care of itself, I know.

    So far, so good. I've joined a fitness studio now to get in condition for the jogging season outside (you won't see me running outside through the rain and snow!), on Sunday my boyfriend and I will have our first dancing lesson, and we're also making plans for a big active summer-vacation. I'm still overweight, but life feels great with a changed attitude.

    Wow, what a long text. I hope I haven't bored you and your readers :) I just wanted to say good luck with all your plans, and don't give up when there'll be bad days (and we all now they come)!

    PS: I'm looking forward to your creative projects!!